Who am I?
by francescaalavin
Summary: 16 year old Alice Mackenzie wakes up in Ocean Park Hospital with no idea what happened to her. After discovering she has Amnesia she meet the Red Band Society who help her uncover lost memories. TRIGGER WARNING. Rated T for Self Harm.
1. Waking Up

**Hey guys! I've been desperate to write this for a few weeks and here is the first chapter. I'm only going to continue if I get a good response from the first chapter. If I do, I will let you know what kind of posting schedule I'll be on. Enjoy!**

I wake up staring at a bright light on a white ceiling. I try to sit up, but my head hurts so bad that I can hardly move. I begin to panic.

"Hello?" I say shakily. "HELLO!" I begin to get louder, I can feel my eyes welling up and I start to cry. The sound of fast footsteps gets closer to me. I see a dark skinned woman standing over me.

"She's awake!" she yells to someone behind her. She's dressed in scrubs. "It's okay honey stay calm." A nurse and a doctor come in behind her, they all stand over me. That's when I realise I'm in a hospital. The other nurse sits me up in my bed, she has red hair and fair skin. I look around at them, the Doctor is tall, he has greyish brown hair.

"What's happening?" I ask. I'm scared to death.

"You've been in a coma for 6 weeks, can you remember anything honey?" I scan my brain for something, anything, my mind feels blank. I manage to grasp onto something in the darkness of my head. My name.

"Alice, that's my name. I can't remember anything!" I cry harder. The nurse strokes my head trying to calm me down.

"It's okay Alice, we'll figure this out, I'm Nurse Jackson, and this is Nurse Brittany and Dr. McAndrew." I take a few deep breaths and Nurse Brittany hands me a cup of water. The cold sensation on my chapped lips feels so weird. Once I catch my breath. I notice the beeping sound from the machine I'm hooked up to. I have an IV drip in my hand and a cannula tube on. Nurse Jackson dries my eyes with a tissue. I feel a little more calm now.

"How did I get here?" I ask. "Why does my head hurt?" Dr. McAndrew pulls a clipboard up from the end of my bed, he flicks a page up.

"You have had a traumatic brain injury, which explains why you can't remember anything, you have a severe concussion Alice. You fell from quite high up." I'm so confused.

"I fell? From where?" I sip more water.

"You were on a cliff in the Monterey Bay Area. You hit your head on the way down and landed on a ledge, lucky for you there were some bystanders who called 991 immediately." How is that Lucky? I could've died, well I guess the lucky part is that I didn't die. I hear a voice from out in the hallway, it's a girl.

"Nurse Jackson I-"

"Not now Emma, go find Kenji." She says. I look over to the girl who is staring through the glass wall in my room. She's beautiful and so thin. She looks over to me and then walks away.

"Was I alone?" I ask Dr McAndrew.

"Yes, we have no background information on you whatsoever, so, as much as we know you need rest, we also need you try and find something in your mind, some kind of memory." I nod. He nods back and leaves the room after saying something to the Nurses, I wasn't really listening.

"You're probably starving, let me get you some toast." Nurse Brittany smiles brightly at me and heads out of my clean white room.

"I'll just be out there at the nurses station," she points across the hall. "Keep drinking your water and give me or Britt a shout if you need something." She smiles, strokes my head one last time and leaves.

All I can think of is what the hell I was doing on a Cliff in Monterey Bay. I keep drinking and searching my mind, like Dr McAndrew said. I look to my left and see the LA Skyline. It's dark out so it must be getting late. Naturally I'm not tired having been asleep for 6 weeks. I cross my legs trying sit a little more comfortably. I look ahead of me and there is a digital clock on the wall, it reads 22:04. My legs feel weird but I'm desperate to get up and walk. I slowly pull my legs aside of me, I grab on the stand my drip is attached to, pull the monitor of my finger and try to push myself out of my bed. The floor is cold, but it's nice. I'm standing up facing the window. I try to take a step and suddenly my legs give way and I fall to the floor giving a loud thud.

"Alice!" I hear Nurse Jackson yell, she runs in and helps my back into my bed. "What were you thinking?" she says sternly. "You've had a serious head injury, you can't walk yet!" I'm thankful she says 'yet'. She puts the sheets back over me.

"Sorry, I just wanted to try. I didn't realise." she sat on the edge of my bed.

"Well if you want to get out of the room we can get you a chair and take you round the halls a little bit?" I nod and give a weak smile. She gets up and begins to walk away. "Stay put young lady." I begin to see her personality more. After a few minutes she walks back in with a wheel chair and Nurse Brittany. Brittany takes my sheets off of me carefully and helps me swing my legs over the edge of the bed again. Nurse J positions the chair next to my bed and puts the breaks on. Each of them took one of my arms and helped me into the chair.

"We can take this out now right?" Brittany says to Nurse Jackson. She nods back and they unscrew the plastic tube attached to my hand, leaving the needle and everything else on my hand. They pick up an oxygen tank from behind my bed and attach it to the back of the chair.

Before I know it we're out of my room and in the hall away. Nurse Jackson starts to speak but I wasn't paying attention, because I noticed something on my legs, scars, dozens of them. What could they be from? I look up to my arms and noticed there are even more there.

"Alice?" Nurse Jackson says. "You okay honey?" she stops the chair. I don't reply. She walks around me and crouches down at my knees. She sees what I'm looking at.

"Did-" I pause. "Did I do this?" I ask her. She looks sympathetic and nods. My heart sinks, I don't know who I am but I didn't expect to be this person. It was terrifying to think that my life wasn't a happy one.

"You know, Alice," she says, "when you came in here, they were- they were fresh." I feel a tear run down my cheek, she wipes it away. I admire her honesty. "Hold on a sec." She walks back over to the nurses station and when she comes back she has a cardigan and a blanket. She helps me get my arms into the cardigan and drapes the blanket over my legs. All the scars were covered. I guess I felt a little better. She continued to wheel me down the hall, I listened to her this time. We stop outside a room.

"This is Kara and Charlie's room." I see a girl with blonde hair sitting on a couch on the far side of the room. "Kara this is Alice, she woke up about 20 minutes ago."

"Hey." she says not even looking up from her fashion magazine.

"And this, is Charlie, he's in a coma just like you were." I see little boy, about 12, lying motionless on his bed. "Kara, get some sleep." Nurse J says wheeling me further down the hall. She gestures to different rooms with other patients saying who they are, some of them my ages, some older, some younger. We get in the elevator at the end of corridor. "There's this great group of kids here that I want you to meet, I think it would be good for you to get to know them."

I don't even know who I am, how could some nurse know what would be good for me? We reach a room with graffiti all over the windows. It says 'THE SWAMP' in cool writing. She knocks on the glass and we're in the doorway. There is a group of teenagers sitting in there. They look up at us.

"Guys, this is Alice." she says. A boy with dark hair stands up and walks over.

"Oh you're awake!" I nod.

"This is Jordi, he came and played his guitar for you a few times while you were in your coma." I smiled at him and he smiled back, he looked embarrassed, I know I was.

"I'm Leo," a boy who was also in a wheelchair came over and shook my hand. He was bald with amazing eyebrows. He was kinda cute, so was Jordi. "And this is Dash and Emma." He gestured to a dark skinned boy and the girl who was outside my room when I woke up. "Don't give Jordi all the credit, we all tried to get you to wake up! I played all of Taylor Swifts albums to you!" He laughed.

"Yeah, and watched basketball with you, even though you couldn't see, I thought maybe the annoying squeaky shoes would wake up." I laughed at him.

"I read to you, everything from Paper Towns to Shakespeare." she smiled.

"And Kara, she painted your nails for you." Jordi said. I looked down at them. They were blank. I looked back at him confused. "She took it after though. She just wanted to freak Nurse J out, they were this washed out blue colour, it looked like you had lost the blood flow to your hands."

"It worked too, and I thought no one could pull the wool over my eyes." Nurse J said with a sassy tone.

"Um, it was really nice meeting you guys, I guess I'll see you all around." Nurse J took that as her cue to take me back to my room.

"You getting tired yet Alice?" she says as we walk down the hall.

"Not really, my head hurts."

"We'll get you some painkillers, they'll make you pretty drowsy, so you'll probably get a good nights sleep anyway." We got back to my room. When we got in, Nurse Brittany was putting a plate of toast on my table. Her and Nurse J helped me back into my bed and brought me some painkillers and I ate my toast. Although it was just toast it was amazing. All I could think of while I drifted off to sleep is what would tomorrow bring? I pushed the table away, lowered my bed and closed my eyes.


	2. Tears of Something

**Hey guys :) Just wanted to let you know that in the first chapter I wasn't sure where everyone's rooms were, but I recently rewatched RBS and realised that they're all on the same floor apart from Emma, so I've changed it in this one so they are on the same floor. Sorry bout the mix up. And at first I was gonna make this about Alice and Jordi but I really like the idea of Alice and Leo, so basically in this story Emma and Leo are broken up and Leo is over her. :)**

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I woke up to Jordi, Leo, Emma and Dash all standing over my bed. I jumped out of my skin, which they found hilarious. Leo was now in his crutches, with what im guessing is his prosthetic leg.

"What time is it?" I said sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

"9:30, get up we're going for breakfast." Leo says. I smile at him.

"Where's my chair?" At that moment Nurse Jackson walks in with it.

"Morning sleeping beauty." She helped me out of bed and into the chair. I still had the cardigan on but my legs were exposed, I could almost feel the others' eyes burning on me. Nurse Jackson quickly grabbed the blanket and draped it over me.

"Let's go then." Leo said. He walked behind my chair and started pushing me.

"You don't have to Leo." I look up at him, he leans forward and looks down at me.

"Oh no it's cool, I need something to lean on anyway, my prosthetic is bothering me a little." He smiles, damn he's gorgeous. We all make our way to the elevator and go down a couple floors until the doors open on the ground floor. We go into the cafeteria. I notice all the prices on the wall.

"I don't have any money." I sigh.

"Oh that's okay, I got it." I smile up at him. He's so kind. I was too low down to see what was on the counters, He noticed me struggling.

"It's not that good in here anyway, you want a tuna sandwich?" he holds one up, I nod like a total freak. I can't help it, he's so cute. He buys my sandwich and himself a chicken wrap and we go over to a table, he pushes me into it and sits down next to me, the others all come over with their food, Kara walks in and sits at the table with us. She just sits their on her phone.

"So you can't even remember your second name?" Jordi asks.

"Nope." I take a bite of my sandwich.

"You don't need a second name, it's like Beyonce, or Cher, too cool for two names." Leo says. I laugh and smile. There's this weird moment where we just stare into each others eyes. It's perfect.

"Ugh, barf, get a room." Kara said. We break our gaze and continue eating and chatting as a group. They all tell me about how they ended up in hospital and how they became friends, they tell me about their red bands.

"Yeah sometimes I wish I never gave them out, makes me look inexperienced." He jokes. We all laugh.

"Well I guess I'm a little late to jump on the red band wagon." I laugh.

"Actually, I have one more, if you're interested." He pulls off one of his bands and holds it up.

"Um, sure, yeah thanks Leo." We share another moment as he slides it on to my wrist. A couple of my scars are exposed. He tugs my sleeve down for me and lowers it beneath the table so none of the others notice, I'm so grateful.

"Anyway, I have PT and Nurse Jackson said to have you back by 10 for your appointment with Dr. McAndrew. So, we better go." He stands up.

"Oh, okay, let's go then." he pulls my chair back and we leave the cafeteria after saying goodbye to everyone. Once we're in the elevator he leans down to whisper to me.

"I was lying about PT and your appointment."

"Why?"

"I wanna talk to you, and I didn't think you'd wanna talk about it in front everyone." I knew exactly what he was talking about. I didn't say anything, we went straight into 'The Swamp' and he sat on his bed.

"I don't remember it, I literally have no recollection of my life before waking up yesterday."

"Did it freak you out when you saw it?"

"I was just really, really sad, and kinda- disappointed in myself." I fiddle with my sleeves.

"But you don't feel like you wanna do that any more?"

"No, but I feel like I never did it to begin with you know? Dr. McAndrew asked me to search my mind for memories, but I'm scared of what I'll find. I'm really fucking scared. And I pretended I didn't feel like this all through breakfast, because you all seem like you're so held together even though you all have it was worse than me." I start crying again. Leo comes and crouches down in front of me, he takes my hands.

"Hey, listen," He lifts my chin up to look into his eyes. "It's okay to be scared, you don't ever have to pretend around me, okay?" He wipes my tears away.

"Okay."

"And, you wanna know a secret? I'm scared too." I'm confused.

"But you're in remission, what are you scared of?"

"Getting out, into the real world." He laughs at himself and looks of to the side. I move his head to look at me.

"You don't have to pretend to me either." and once again we share another perfect moment. He leans in to me, he's right by my face, we're about to kiss and then we hear the distinct sound of someone clearing their throat. Nurse Jackson. Leo stands up.

"Impeccable timing as always Nurse J." I turn around in my chair to face her. And then I realise that me and Leo are still holding hands. He doesn't let go though.

"Leo you have PT." I look at him.

"Okay so I wasn't lying about that, I'll see you later yeah?" I nod, he squeezes my hand and lets go, he heads out the door. Nurse Jackson is still there.

"Come on I need to check your vitals.

I wheel myself out of Leo's room and back to mine with Nurse J. She helps me back onto my bed, checks my pulse, takes my blood pressure and all that stuff. "How's your breathing?" She asks.

"It's okay I think, I mean I have a little assistance." I gesture to my cannula. "Why do I need this?"

"Your lungs have become a little weak, there was some internal bleeding, Dr. McAndrew had to stitch up one of them when you came in here. We didn't want to tell you last night, we didn't want to overwhelm you. You also had some problems with your liver so you might be feeling a little-" I vomit all over her. "Sick." I wipe my mouth.

"I'm so sorry Nurse Jackson." I'm so embarrassed. Thank god Leo didn't see that.

"It's okay honey, I'll just go clean up." she walks out, and by the look on her face she was not happy.

Nurse Brittany walks in with a sick bowl and a cloth. She mops up my mouth and hands.

"God I'm so embarrassed, can you tell Nurse Jackson I'm really sorry? I'm such a freak."

"No you're not Alice, your liver is problematic, it's not your fault."

"It is though."

"What do you mean? Do you remember something?" she throws the cloth in the trash and sits on the edge of my bed.

"No, but judging by the state of my arms and legs, I obviously did this to myself." I fiddle with my sleeves again.

"You think you- you tried to kill yourself?" I shrug. "Alice, even if you did, you're not that person any more, okay? You're gonna be okay!" And I start crying... AGAIN. She hugs me for minute as I sob into her scrubs.

"Alice?" I hear Leo's voice, I look up to the door and he's sat in his wheel chair. He comes over to me. "Are you alright?" Nurse Brittany hands me a clean cloth, I wipe my eyes dry.

"I'll leave you guys alone." She leaves.

"I'm fine, it's just- long day ya'know." he stands up on his one leg and turns to sit where Brittany was sat. He pulls me into him and cuddles me.

"I know." He whispers.

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 **What did you think? Please leave me a review! if you have any ideas for Alice's background please let me know! love yaaaa**


	3. I Miss You

**Hey guysss, new chapter, this one's a little slow but I'm putting a lot of work into Alice's personality and stuff, please leave a review so I know someone cares :')**

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The next day I wake up to Leo sitting on the chair next to my bed on his phone.

"Hey, you're up Alice, how you feeling?" he said, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I feel okay, my head doesn't hurt as bad as yesterday."

"Good, come on, lets go get you some breakfast." he stands up and walks over to my wheel chair, wheeling it to my bed side, he saw the look on my face. "What?"

"I'd rather walk." I say leaning on my elbows.

"Oh, shall I get Nurse Jackson or Brittany?" he started towards the door.

"No, no couldn't you just help me up?"

"You want a guy with one leg to help you walk?" I look at him with an unimpressed stare. "Okay, if you insist." He comes to my beside and takes my arm as I swing my legs off the bed. My bare feet touch the cold floor. I push myself up and put my arm around Leo's waist and his is around mine. I'm standing and it's feels weird, my legs are so weak. I look at him and laugh at myself, he laughs too. I take a step and my knees fold, but Leo holds me up right. We make our way to the door, it gets easier with each step and by the time we're in the hall, it feels pretty normal. I barely notice when Leo lets go of me and I'm walking by myself. I look up from my feet and see Nurse Jackson headed towards me with a stern look on her face.

"Alice what are you doing out of your chair?" She says folding her arms.

"Nurse Jackson, I'm fine, Leo helped me," I look back at him and smile, "We're gonna go and get some breakfast."

"Okay, well, Leo look after her, and you, you come and get me or one of the others if you need painkillers or something." She smiled and continued with her work. Leo and I walked to the elevator and then he stopped me.

"Wait, let's go this way, I wanna show you something." He grabbed my hand and lead me round the corner.

"What is this?" We're facing a gigantic door, like a garage door.

"The service elevator, the only place with no cameras. Come on." The doors opened and we walked in, as the doors closed it slowly revealed 'DASH' in graffiti. I burst out laughing.

"That is so Dash." We smile at each other, which turns into a gaze, which turns in to a kiss, which turns into a make out session. Until the doors open to Jordi, Leo, Emma, Dash and Kara. We wouldn't have broke the kiss if it wasn't for Kara's comment.

"Ew, I think my appetite's gone, oops sorry Emma, you probably don't know how that feels." Emma ignores her. She walks to the cafeteria and we all follow. I notice some kind of tension between Jordi and Leo, I also notice Emma staring at me and Leo, and that's when I realise we're still holding hands. I pull away swiftly. Leo looks at me and I smile awkwardly as we all sit down for breakfast.

"So Jackson gave you the all clear to walk?" Dash says.

"Yeah, well kind of, I mean I made the decision without her." I eat a spoonful of my cereal.

"You gotta meet us later, we have something to show you." Jordi says.

"Why? What is it?"

"It's a surprise!" He says.

"Umm, okay, I guess I'll be there then."

We all chat more and finish our breakfast. Through out it I notice more tension between Jordi and Leo, and Emma and Leo. Am I missing something? Well yeah, most of my life actually. After breakfast we all head our separate ways, Leo said he had some work to catch up on so he went back to his room, I decided to explore a little, now that I could walk. I went to the school room at the end of the hall that my room was on, I figure they must have some books in there. I walk up to the book case and look around it but they're all boring history and science books. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a piano, I walk over to it and sit down, my fingers managed to find there way to some of the keys, and I find myself playing a song. I get a few notes in and I start singing.

 _Hello there, the angel from my nightmare,_

 _A shadow in the background of the morgue,_

 _The unsuspecting victim,_

 _Of darkness in the valley,_

 _We can live like Jack and Sally,_

 _If you want,_

 _Where you can always find me,_

 _And we'll have Halloween on Christmas,_

 _And in the night we'll wish this never ends,_

 _We'll wish this never ends._

I stop when I realise what I'm doing, I remembered something! I practically jumped out of my seat and ran out of the door to go to tell Leo. When I get into the hall, I literally bump into Dr. McAndrew.

"Woah, Alice, slow down! You're gonna hurt yourself!" He says.

"I remembered something!" I basically yell at him.

"What? What is it?" He bends down slightly so he's at eye level with me.

"A song, I played this song, I only got through the first part, I played it on the piano in the classroom! I have to go tell Leo!" I start running to his room. "Walk Alice." I slow down until I know he's not looking, and I start running. I get to Leo's room and stop because I hear arguing.

"I don't why you're so mad!" Leo says.

"Cuz I was at her bedside everyday singing to her man, I thought you realised." Jordi answers back.

"What that you liked her? Dude, how was I supposed to know you liked a girl in a coma?" My excitement dies down a little, I feel kinda bad. They had stopped walking so went in.

"Hey." I say, trying to act happy.

"Alice, hey!" Leo says walking over to me. He puts his hands on my waist.

"Guess what? I remembered something."

"What? Alice that's awesome what was it?"

"A song, I don't know what it's called, but I played and sang it on the piano."

"A song? You sing?" he said, grabbing my hand and leading me to his bed.

"Yeah I guess!"

"I'm so happy for you!" he kissed me on the cheek.

"I'm gonna go take a walk, congratulations Alice." Jordi gave a half hearted smile and left.

"Leo? Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah sure." He gazes at me with his beautiful eyes and his smile that makes me weak at the knees. I realise I haven't said anything. "Alice?"

"Um never mind."

"Uhh, okay, so you wanna show me this song? I might be able to tell you what it is."

"Well I guess I can't say no, cuz I'm pretty curious to see what kind of music I used to like." I laugh and we walk hand in hand to the classroom and I sit down at the piano. "Okay here goes nothing." I play and sing again. I can't get over how amazing it feels. When I finish I look to him and he's leaning on his arms on the piano, he just stares at me.

"What?" I laugh nervously. "I'm not that bad am I?"

"That's my favourite song." He sits next to me on the piano stool.

"Really? What's it called?"

"I Miss You, it's by this band called Blink 182."

"It's kinda sad, are all their songs like that?" I wonder if I had a sad taste in music too.

"No not all of them."

"But some of them." I go to fiddle with my sleeves and realise I haven't had Nurse Jackson's Cardigan on all day. I stand up abruptly. "Uh, I have to go. I fold my arms, trying to cover the scars.

"What's wrong Alice?" I ignore him and run to my room and straight into my bathroom, I lock the door behind me. Almost cinematic ally, I lean against the door and slowly head to the mirror. I look at my arms and my legs, they look awful, I look awful. I sink to the floor and start crying. I don't know how long I'm in there for but it feels like hours. I kind of thought Leo would have come to the door but he probably wanted to let me be alone. I find myself thinking about the fight Leo and Jordi were having. I didn't really know what to think, I mean I was in a coma, it's not like I led him on or anything. I hear a knock on the door.

"Alice, open the door please." It's Nurse Jackson. I wipe my face and walk to the door to unlock it. I open it and just look at her. "Alice, what's wrong sweetie?" she puts her arms around me and leads me to my bed.

"I can't deal with not knowing anything, I hate the person I used to be and I don't anything about her." I sit down and pull the sheets over my scarred legs.

"I understand this must be very difficult for you, Dr. McAndrew said you remembered a song today, that's progress! And imagine how much worse this could have been, you might not have remembered how to speak or anything!" I sniffle as she wipes my tearful eyes. "I've arranged for you to meet with a therapist, she might be able to help you deal with this, and maybe uncover more about yourself."

"But that's the thing, as much as I hate not knowing, all the stuff I do remember is stuff I hate, I hate that I cut myself, I hate that I tried to kill myself, I hate that I listened to sad music, I even hate how I look." I sob more.

"This is all stuff that you can tell your therapist and she can help you." She took my hand. "Alice, I promise you this will be okay."

"Dena." Dr. McAndrew is standing in the door way. "A word please." Nurse Jackson looks back at me.

"Why don't you try to take a nap and I'll wake you at lunch time?" I nod and she turns and walks out with Dr. McAndrew. I roll over and close my eyes, thinking only of Leo.


	4. 3 days

"Alice?" I keep my eyes closed trying to pretend I'm asleep, I don't want to face Leo after my freak out. "I know you're faking, talk to me." I open my eyes and look at him, I roll over to the other side of the bed, only to have Leo walk around the other side too.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I freaked out because of my arms and stuff." I sit up and he sits on the end of my bed. "I'm ashamed of the old me. I don't know who I was but I really don't want to be that person anymore." I started to twiddle my fingers. He grabbed my hand.

"That's just it Alice, you're not that person anymore! Think of this as the time to reinvent yourself! You can be whoever you want, and I don't think have to be ashamed of listening to Blink, they're awesome."

"How is it possible I've known you for 3 days and you know exactly what to say?" I grab his other hand with my free one.

"Because I've known you for 6 weeks." I sit and think about him playing Taylor Swift to me when I was in a coma, then I think about Jordi.

"Why were you and Jordi fighting about me?" He sighs and lets go of my hands.

"You heard?" I nod. "He thought he had like, dibs on you."

"Dibs? I'm not an object." I stand up, angry and head to the door.

"Where are you going?" he follows me.

"To talk to Jordi." I walk out of room and to The Swamp. Leo stays behind. Jordi is sat on his bed playing the guitar. "Jordi."

"Oh hey Alice." He barely looks at me and continues strumming.

"I heard your fight with Leo, I'm not an object, and I'm sorry Jordi but you were dumb to think I'd automatically fall for you when I woke up," He puts down his guitar and turns to face me. I suddenly get nervous. "I really am sorry that you didn't get your way, but I like Leo and I'm pretty sure he likes me too, so could you just back off and leave Leo alone?" I wait silently for his answer.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm sorry Alice, you're right." I nod and walk out of his room and towards Leo who's standing by the nurses station.

"Wow, that was easy." I say to him.

"You know you didn't have to say anything." he put his hands on my waist and pulled me into him. I put my hands around his neck.

"Yeah, I did, I really listened to you just then, I'm not that person any more, I can be stronger than I used to be, and I can listen to whatever kick ass songs I want!" He stares at me, making me tense. "You're doing it again."

"What?" He laughs.

"Looking at me, in that way."

"And what way would that be?" he pulls me closer.

"The Leo way." I lean up to him and kiss him, a lot.

We're sat in my room eating sandwiches that Nurse Jackson brought us and he's playing me songs on his iPod. We have a headphone each, he plays one called "Therapy" by a band called All Time Low.

"I think, I think I know this one." I smile at him. He beams back at me. I begin to sing along.

Therapy, you were never a friend to me.

We sit and sing together until the song ends.

"I guess I did like sad songs." I laugh awkwardly, coming to terms with it.

"Well, what about this one." He puts on a song called "Weightless" by the same band.

"Yeah, I know this one too! It's not even that sad." We laugh together, real laughter. We listen to more songs for literally hours and I recognise more songs by bands like 5 Seconds Of Summer, Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, We Are The In Crowd, State Champs, The Pretty Reckless and Nirvana. Some sad, some happy, all awesome.

"At least we know you had good taste. How do you feel now?" He says as we lie hand in hand on my bed.

"What do you mean?" I look at him and he turns his bald head to mine. We're barely an inch apart.

"Like, do you feel better about your past? Or, at least the things you remember, I mean I know they're only songs but-" I interrupt him.

"Yes, I feel a lot better about it now. Thank you."

"Hey don't thank me!"

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't remember any of those songs, and I wouldn't be okay if it wasn't for what you said to me." I lay my hand on his chest and kiss him.

* * *

After we lay talking for hours, well it was mostly Leo talking, telling about his life and his cancer and stuff, Dash, Jordi, Emma and Kara came in.

"It's time to party." Dash said. We both stood up and walked over to them.

"I wish I had something better to wear, I'm gettin' real tired of this gown." I laugh.

"I'm sure Kara will lend you something." Leo looks willingly at Kara.

"Kara will do nothing of the sort." She says with her bitch face. Leo continues looking at her. "Fine come with me scar face." She walks out and I follow her to her room.

"You know I don't have any scars on my face." She goes in her dresser and hands me a pair of black skinny jeans and a maroon sweater.

"Here."

"Um thanks." We walk back to the others who are waiting outside my room. "Give me a sec." I go into my bathroom and put on Kara's clothes. I don't look awful in them. I walk out and Leo grabs my hand.

"You look awesome." He says. "Come on we're taking you somewhere." We all go up in the service elevator until we're on the top floor, we walk out and go straight across the hall to a smaller door, it opens to reveal a staircase, with another door at the top, we all walk up and I don't see what's on the other side of the door because Leo's standing in front of me. He gets through the door and steps aside to reveal the LA skyline. Even more beautiful than the view from my room.

"Oh my god, it's unbelievable." Leo and I walk to the barrier and look over the city.

"You think that's something, look at this." I hear Jordi say. I turn around to a picture of beauty, I don't mean Jordi. They have old couches set up with an upside down crate for a table there was a stack of pizza boxes on it and string lights everywhere. I look at Leo.

"Surprise!" He says.

"This is all for me?" I walk over and sit on a one of the sofas, Leo plonks down next to me.

"Well, it's all always here, but this is for you, well for all of us, to say Welcome." He reaches his arm over the arm of the sofa and pulls out a bottle of champagne and some glasses.

"Thanks you guys, this awesome." Everyone sits down and Leo poors us all a drink. "I propose a toast!" I hold up my glass, the others do too. "To the Red Band Society!"

"The Red Band Society!" The others all say it in unison. We clink glasses and drink, I guess I shouldn't have been drinking but I didn't really care, I was with people I could genuinely call my friends, even Kara. At one point, Leo takes my hand and stands up, I stand up and we walk to the barrier again.

"Like I said before, I've known you 6 weeks, but you've only known me 3 days, that's why I can understand if you say no to this, will-" I interrupt him.

"Yes." I say smiling.

"But you don't know what I was going to ask?" he laughs.

"You were going to ask me to go on a date." We laugh together. "And I'm saying yes, I'll go on a date with you." He kisses me, I kiss back, and we have another make out session. I don't know how long it lasts but I don't care. I pull away eventually.

"So where are we going on this date?" I ask.

"Uhh-it's a surprise..." He says awkwardly.

"You don't know do you?"

"Nope." I kiss him again and we walk back over to the others and we eat our pizza and drink our champagne.

My head starts to hurt a little.

"Leo, as much as I'm enjoying this, my head kinda hurts, I'm gonna go downstairs and lie down, but you stay here and have fun." I kiss him on the cheek and stand up, but he holds my hand.

"No, I'll come," He leans closer to me to whisper something, "I'd rather be with you if I'm perfectly honest. Guys, we're gonna go to bed." He says the last part to the others. Jordi, Dash and Emma say goodnight.

"Use protection!" Kara says. I give her a glare and we leave.

* * *

When we get back to Leo's room we lie down on his bed and we don't speak, we just lie. 3 days I've known this boy, 3 days I've known myself, and I'm falling for him, falling hard. The way he looks at me gives me butterflies, the way he holds me makes me feel so safe, and when he kisses me I feel like I can do anything. He has his arms around me and my head is on his chest, I could lie like this forever. His hand moves from my shoulder to my hair, he plays with, moving the strands between his fingers.

"Leo, I don't wanna move." I say quietly.

"You don't have to." and before I know it I wake up and it's 9 am Leo is still sleeping so I slip out from his clutch and make my way to my room I have the biggest smile on my face. Nurse Jackson walks in.

"Alice, there's something you need to know." I can tell by her face it's something bad. My smile fades. I sit down on my bed and she sits next to me and takes my hand. "We were trying to find out something about you so we looked at the things you were wearing when you were brought in. You were wearing a necklace." I touch my neck almost instinctively. "Do you remember it?"

"I don't know, I don't remember what it looked like or anything, but I feel like something should be here."

"It was a heart shaped locket, that your father gave to you when you were a baby, we know this because theres an inscription on it. It says 'My dearest Alice, I'm sorry for leaving you so young, Dad x'"

"I had a dad," I whisper. "Can I have it?"

"That's not all Alice, the lab ran fingerprints on it, and it wasn't just yours, they found your dad!"

 **That's the chapter guys! They found Alice's dad, just wait til you find out who he is...  
Don't forget to follow/favourite/review, every review I get inspires me to keep writing, I really don't want to abandon this story, but sometimes I forget, it's your reviews that keep me going! love yaaa**


	5. Run

**Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, so this chapter is pretty short but I just really wanted to get to the main point of this chapter which is Alice's dad.**

* * *

"I had a dad," I whisper. "Can I have it?"

"That's not all Alice, the lab ran fingerprints on it, and it wasn't just yours, they found your dad!"

"What?! Who is he? Is he coming? Will I get to see him?"

"We haven't managed to get hold of him yet, but we're still looking, your locket is with Brittany and the Nurses station, go on, go!" I leap off my bed and run to the station.

"Brittany! Do you have my locket?" I'm breathless.

"Indeed I do! Here ya go!" She hands it to me in a plastic bag, I open it up and pull the locket out by the chain, I look closely at the patterns on the heart shaped pendant, it has flowers. I open it and there's a picture, I assume it's me as a baby. I tear up a little. Brittany stands up and puts it on for me. I rub the metal between my fingers, it feels natural. Nurse Jackson comes over to me.

"Sorry to put kind of a downer on things but you have your first therapy session in 10 minutes, be ready." It wasn't really a downer to me, Leo made me feel more comfortable about my situation. I went back to my room to have a quick shower, when I'm done I put on Kara's clothes again and meet Nurse Jackson outside my room so she can walk me to therapy.

"So what's my doctor called?" I ask as we walk down seemingly endless corridors.

"Her name is Dr. Williams, she's great at her job, I'm sure she can help you out a lot." She smiles. We get to a door that says the doctors name on it in silver letters. "Good luck, Alice." She leaves me and I knock on the door.

"Come in!" I hear a voice say. I open the door and close it behind me, the walls are an ugly yellow colour and there's paintings of old houses and forests on the walls. Dr. Williams sits at a desk in the middle of the room. "Hi Alice, I'm Dr. Williams, take a seat." She is a very smiley woman.

"Hi."

"So I've read your file, you fell from a cliff and you have memory loss and liver problems?"

"Yeah, but I've figured from the state of my arms and legs, that I didn't just fall from that cliff." I say nervously.

"You jumped."

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm basically here to help you not only come to terms with that, but to help you recover some memories, have you remembered anything yet?" she says looking down to my file on her desk.

"Yeah, I remembered this song on the piano and I sang along, and I got this locket today that I was found with, I don't remember the locket so much as the feeling of having it on.

"I see, well here's what were going to do, this sounds so cliché but could you lie down over here?" She stands up and gestures towards a brown couch. I stand up and walk over to lie down on it. She sits on an arm chair opposite it. "Now, close your eyes and relax your body completely. I felt stupid doing it but I did it anyway. "I want you to imagine you're standing in a long hallway, with doors all along the walls. I envisioned something similar to hospital corridor. With white doors, white walls and a white floor and ceiling. "Walk over to the closest door you see." In my mind I walk. "What do you want to see behind that door?" I think.

"Something nice, something happy."

"Good, open the door." I reach my hand out to the handle, I can almost feel the cold of the metal on my hands.

"It's locked." I furrow my brow.

"Okay, imagine it's not locked, it's stuck." I push on the door, first with my hands, then with my whole body.

"It's no use, whatever is in there doesn't want me in there." I keep pushing.

"Just keep trying, push it as hard as you can Alice." I get lost in the visualisation, pushing for ages. I don't know how long I tried but I was there a while.

"Alice." I feel a hand on my shoulder, I turn around and there's a woman. A woman I don't want to see. I open my eyes and run out of Dr. Williams' office, she calls after me.

"Alice! Come back we can keep trying." I ignore her and run through the hospital, I didn't pay attention to how we got to Dr. Williams' office so I get lost. I find myself in another hallway with white doors and stuff similar to the ones in my visualisation. I turn around and run to the nearest stair case, I run down the stairs, I can barely feel my legs but I don't allow myself to stop until I get to the bottom, I find a set of double doors and run straight out of them. I stop when I reach a patch of grass I sit down and curl up in a ball and cry. Why did it have to be her? There must have been other people in my life, any one, literally any one could have shown up but it was her. I feel a hand on my shoulder and practically scream. I bolt upright to be faced with Leo. I'm breathless from crying and running, I take a few steps away from him and he just stares at me, making me feel crazy.

"What happened?" He walks towards me.

"Please just stay back for a second okay."

"Your therapist came and told Nurse Jackson you'd gone AWOL. Did you remember something?" He took another step towards me and I stepped back.

"Please Leo just give me space I feel so cramped right now."

"Okay okay, I won't move. Talk to me Alice, you know you can." I'm still so breathless, I feel like I'm going to pass out.

"I don't know if I wanna talk about, at least not yet anyway, I just need to breathe." My legs feel like jelly.

"Alice you need to calm down okay." He walks towards me again.

"GET AWAY FROM ME I DON'T WANT YOU. I DON'T NEED YOU. I DON'T NEED ANY ONE." I'm screaming at him.

"You're scaring me now, please, let's just go inside and sit down?" He walks right up to me and I push him to the ground and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction, guilt surges through my body, how could I do that to Leo, he just wants to help me. I keep running and before I know it Dr. McAndrew is catching me as everything goes black.

"Alice? Alice?..." His voice fades away and everything goes black. I wake up in a the white hall way, but this time she isn't there, instead there's a boy at the end of the hallway in red pyjamas.

"Hello?" I say, walking to get a closer look.

"Alice?"

"Charlie? But you're in a coma?" He walks with confidence. "What happened?"

"You passed out, Dr. McAndrew caught, you have to wake up now, they need to talk to you." he says.

"Why couldn't I see you when I was in a coma?" I ask.

"You could have, but you didn't let me in, listen to me Alice, they need to talk to you."

"What? About what?" He begins to walk away from me, he heads around a corner. "Charlie, What do they need to talk to me about?" I follow him around the corner but he's gone, and I wake up in my room.

"Alice." Nurse Jackson comes to my bedside, if I didn't already know something was wrong, I do now, just by her face.

"What do you need to talk to me about?" I sit up in my bed, but she gently pushes me back down, Dr. McAndrew is sat on a chair with his head in his hands.

"You need to rest, but there is something you need to know, it's about your father."

"Oh my god," I think, "He's dead isn't he."

"It's me." Dr. McAndrew says. I'm speechless I don't know what to feel. He's my father, he

left me with that woman. I try take deep breaths, I'm screaming inside but I turn to Nurse Jackson.

"I need to take a walk." I say calmly.

"You need re-"

"I need to take a walk." I get up and walk right past Dr. McAndrew with out looking at him. I feel like I should be happy, I found my dad, but seeing Dr. McAndrew's reaction made me sad. I walk around the halls like a lost puppy for a while until I finally make my way to Leo's room but he's not there, Jordi is sad on his bed, he can tell something wrong.

"Sit down, tell me what happened."

* * *

 **DR. MCANDREW IS HER DAD!**

 **Follow/Fave/Review, ilysm**


	6. The Question

Leo had gone to his PT by this point.

"Dr. McAndrew is my dad." I say sitting down next to him, he just looks at me in shock. "I'm not kidding, I don't get it, does that mean my name is Alice McAndrew? I mean it doesn't sound familiar. Jordi I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him?" I search his eyes for some kind of reaction, but he's just staring at me. "Jordi?"

"Sorry, I, I don't know, I mean I guess you gotta follow your heart."

"I don't know what it wants though, what would you do?"

"I would talk to him, I mean he's your father and you don't have anyone right now." He made a good point.

"But he left me, and I have Leo, and you and all the others. He left me when I was young, that's what it says in my locket, why would he leave me?"

"You're asking the wrong guy." He threw his hands up in innocence.

He was right, I got up and walked back to my room, he was still sitting in there but Nurse Jackson had left. He just looked at me, I think he may have been crying, I guess I know where I get it from now.

"I don't know what to say, I mean I don't even know you're name." I sit on my bed facing away from him.

"It's Adam, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for leaving me? Or sorry that I ever found out who you were? How long have you known? You must have realised when you heard my name." I can feel the heat rushing to my face.

"For leaving you, I swear I only just found out it was you, I thought your name was just a coincidence." There was silence. "Aren't you gonna ask why?" I looked down at my legs and arms.

"I'm guessing you knew I was gonna be messed up." I heard him walk over to my bed, he sat next to me. We both looked out to the city.

"That's not it, I left because, I left because I wasn't ready, your mother and I just got married and I freaked out and bailed."

"Can you fill in the blanks for me, or a least what you know, her name, why I'm so scared of her, why when I saw her in my therapy session I couldn't do anything but run and cry?" I look at him, and see the sorrow in his eyes.

"Her name was Jane, she took my name, Mackenzie, she tried to find me and I didn't want her to so I changed my name to McAndrew. She wasn't well, that was part of the problem, she had been planning to have you for months and months and didn't tell me, she suffered with Bipolar Disorder. Sometimes she stopped taking her meds, and it really affected her. I don't know why you're scared of her, maybe she was off her meds. I'm sorry, none of this would have happened if I had stuck around." I didn't say anything for a few minutes, and neither did he. I stood up and walked to the window.

"I can remember a few things, how she looks, and I have the weird fuzzy memory where I'm crying and she's screaming at me, not very nice things, and it's like when I think of it, I'm hurting, not just emotionally but physically. I think, maybe, I think she hit me." He comes to my side and puts his hand on my arm.

"Is there anything else?" I shake my head. "God this is all my fault, this wouldn't have happened if I had tried to help her instead of helping myself."

"She must have hated me, if she hasn't even come looking for me."

"You're mother wasn't a good woman, but she loved you, I know that much, and I did too, that's why I gave you that." He touches my locket.

"So why isn't she here?" He didn't say anything. "Exactly. What's gonna happen now?" He was about to start speaking when Leo walks in.

"Hey Alice." I turn around, as much as I try to hide it, even after just a few days, he knows me well enough to know when something's wrong. "What happened?" Even I don't know myself.

"I'll leave you guys to talk." Dr. McAndrew walks out and Leo comes over to me on his crutches and sits on my bed, I sit next to him.

"I found out who my dad is, he gave me this." I fondle my locket.

"Well that's good news isn't it?"

"Not exactly, he wasn't around when I was growing up, apparently, I don't remember but that's not the point." It's hard to say it to him.

"Remember you can tell me anything."

"It's him, Dr. McAndrew." I look down.

"What?" I nod at him. "Okay, okay I'm here for you." I didn't know how I wanted him to react but that's it. He pulls me and holds me for a while. I begin to cry and he just keeps holding me, being exactly what I need right now. After I calm down, Leo suggests getting some breakfast.

"Okay, but can we just go alone, I don't know if I wanna see anyone else right now." I take his hand we begin walking.

"Sure." We get waffles with syrup between us and head outside to eat.

"So when are we going on this date?" I say.

"Are you sure you still want to? You have a lot going on right now."

"Yeah of course I do, I just wanna do some normal kid stuff, like this." I lean over and kiss him.

"Well, I guess, tonight? Do you think Nurse Jackson will let you go out?"

"Yeah I'm sure she'll want me to have a good time you know?" He nods and eats a forkful of waffle.

* * *

Later I'm sitting in my room listening to Leo's iPod while he's studying with Dash, Dr. McAndrew comes in.

"Hi. " I say taking out my headphones.

"Hey, I uh, I want you to take this, go out and buy some clothes of your own." He hands me a hundred dollars. I stand up.

"No I can't take that!"

"No really you need to, I'm just trying to do what I should have done when you were growing up. I want to look after you." He extends his arm more, I take the cash.

"Thank you." He walks out and I'm standing in my room holding one hundred freaking dollars. I push in into my back pocket and head to The Swamp. "Leo?"

"I'll be right back Dash." He comes into the hall with me.

"He gave me a hundred bucks," I show him. "He wants me to go get some clothes. I wanted to give this back to you." I hand him his iPod.

"Wow, okay, I would come but I have to study, have fun though!" He kisses me goodbye and I head to the elevator. I'm stopped by Nurse Jackson.

"Where do you think you're going?" her arms are crossed.

"Dr. McAndrew gave me some money to get some clothes and stuff, I was just gonna head across the street to that department store." I tell her.

"I don't think you should be going anywhere alone," Emma walks by, "Emma, will you go shopping with Alice?" She knows that with Nurse Jackson, it's never really a question, it's a demand.

"Yeah sure." She's obviously not pleased to spend time with me, and I still don't know why.

We head downstairs and across the street.

"Thanks for coming, I didn't think I could take much more of that place." She doesn't say anything. "You gonna buy anything?" Nothing. "You gonna say anything."

"I have nothing to say to you." She doesn't even look at me.

"Um, okay, why?" We walk into the store and I just pick up random basic things like t shirts, pyjamas etc., Emma doesn't answer me, so I just pretend she's not there.

I grab 2 pairs of jeans that look my size, one pair black and one grey, I also pick up an over sized back zip up hoodie, so I had something to hide my arms. Something catches my eye. I walk over to a stand with a sign on top saying 'Punk Generation!'. There's all these different band shirts of the bands that me and Leo like, I pick up an All Time Low one, a Blink 182 one and a 5SOS one. I buy a pair of black converse and then I'm just about to hit my budget, I go to the make up section, I didn't know anything about make up, so I just pick up a concealer that looks my colour and some eye liner and mascara. I head to the cashier with Emma trailing behind me. I buy my clothes and carry my bags out of the store and we go back to the hospital. We'd barely been out for half an hour. When we got in the elevator she got out on her floor without saying a word. I went up to my floor and took my bags to my room. I immediately change out of Kara's clothes and into my new black jeans, 5SOS shirt and my black hoodie. I go to the mirror with my new make up and do the best I can, I actually look okay, I brush my hair straight and make sure it's sitting nicely on my shoulders. I put on my new sneakers and head to Leo's room. Him and Dash are playing Skate 3, I stand in the door waiting for him to notice me, I'm not kidding he does a double take.

"Wow..." He says, and he falls off his board on his game.

"Just the reaction I was hoping for." I walk in and sit next to him and kiss him.

"Okay, too indie rom-com for me, I'm out." Dash leaves.

"I love this look, it's so... you." I smile.

"I feel comfortable ya know."

"Are you wearing make up? You don't need to, you know that right?" He brushes my hair over my ear.

"I'm not wearing it for you, I'm wearing it for me." He kisses me, he has his hands in my hair. God he makes me melt.

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going on this date then? I didn't buy anything fancy."

"Nope, and you don't need anything fancy, you look so perfect, plus that outfit is pretty perfect anyway."

He teaches me how to play his video game and we listen to 5SOS, he gets us some snacks to have for lunch and we waste the day away until it's time to go. He gets up and puts on his prosthetic. He takes off his shirt, and wow. He puts on a black and red flannel.

"Come on." He reaches his hand out, I take it and we head to the nurses station. "Hey Britt, is it cool if I take Alice out for a few hours?" He says.

"Sure! Be back by 11 at the latest, okay?"

"Got it, thank you!" We head on out, I have no idea where he is taking me but we get a cab from the hospital to a huge stadium looking thing. I can hear loads of voices coming from inside.

"What is this?" I laugh.

"You'll see." We walk hand in hand around to the back of the building, there's a man in a t shirt that says 'staff'. "Hey, I'm Leo, Kara Souders called on my behalf?" the man steps aside and gestures to a door, we walk through and there's a load of other people in 'staff' shirts walking round. He takes me to this curtain and I see a drum kit, microphones and really cool set, we're at a concert, standing at the side of the stage.

"Oh my god, who are we seeing?" He gave me the 'Leo' smile and winked at me. I hear something from the other side of the curtain, it's chanting. "Leo, oh my god you're amazing." the people are chanting '5SOS 5SOS 5SOS' over and over. I wrap my arms around him and we start making out. I hear a voice behind me, it sounds Australian.

"Sup love birds." I turn around and it's Michael Clifford, I recognise him from the covers of their EP's and their album, and the videos that Leo showed me.

"You must be Leo and Alice." He says, he's holding a beautiful electric guitar. "Leo tells me you're a new fan?" He says.

"Uh yeah, I mean I could be an old fan but I don't know." He looks so confused, Leo laughs at me. "Sorry, that didn't make sense, I have memory loss, but I'm pretty sure I liked you guys, like who wouldn't?" Michael laughs this time.

"It's so cool to meet you guys, me and the others will come say hey later, I'm about to go on, enjoy the show!" He gets closer to the stage and I look further down back stage and I see Calum, he waved at me and smiled. And on the other side of the stage I see Ashton and Luke.

"I can't believe you did this for me, how did you meet them?"

"Kara knows a lot of people." He pulls me close and kisses me again. We look at the stage and I hear the crowd going nuts, the curtains are opening, the boys all run on stage and start their set. Leo and I rock out to all their songs, it was the best first date I could ever ask for. At one point Ashton gets everyone's attention.

"So their's two people backstage with us today, and my man Leo Roth is here and he wants to ask someone a very special question. I look at Leo in shock, happy shock, excitement. He takes my hand and we go on stage together, people are cheering for us, they don't even know us. We go centre stage next to Luke.

"Take it away man." He steps aside.

"Hi guys. I'm Leo." Everyone screams for him. "This is my friend Alice, we only met a few days ago but I can honestly say they've been the best days of my life, this is our first date." They cheer again. I go bright red. "Alice, I really really like you." He's standing right in front of me with the microphone in between us.

"I really really like you too." I'm crying at this point, he wipes my tears away and we hear a series of 'awh's.

"And I'm just dying to ask you this, will you be my girlfriend?" The crowd lose it.

"Guys, guys what's she gonna say!" I hear Calum say. They all go completely silent. I'm left with like 10,000 strangers and an amazing band staring at me.

"Yes, YES! Of course I will!" I kiss him, crying, I have never been happier, he turned my day around.


	7. Lunch

I wake with a smile on my face, it quickly fades as Nurse Jackson walks in.

"You have another therapy session, but don't worry too much, Dr. Williams just wants to talk today, no hypno or anything."

"Okay, what time?" I say looking at the clock.

"10:30, I'll meet you by the Nurses Station?" She says.

"Yeah sure, see you then." She leaves, I don't bother getting changed out of my new pyjamas, I get out of bed and walk bare foot to Leo's room. Jordi was gone but Leo's still in bed, he's awake.

"Hey, get over here." He lifts up his sheets so I can get him in beside him and we can cuddle.

"Last night was so amazing, more than I could have ever asked for." He just kisses me.

"Now, you're talking happy, but you don't look happy. what's up?"

"I have therapy, I freaked out on her last time and I know she's gonna wanna talk about it, I don't know if I'm ready." He plays with my hair.

"You don't have to tell her anything if you're not ready for her to know, but I think you should share something, it could really help you."

"Yeah I guess."

"When do you have to go? Want me to walk you?"

"20 minutes, Jackson's taking me." I sigh.

"I can come too, I'll wait for you." I kiss him.

"Thank you." We kiss more.

"Ugh, get a room." Kara is at the door.

"Um, we did..." Leo says.

"Whatever, I'm going to the cafeteria, you guys wanna come?" I look at Leo, he knows I don't wanna move yet.

"Nah we're gonna hang here for a bit, see you later." She rolls her eyes and walks off.

After we lie, and kiss, for a while, I go to my room to shower and get dressed. Today I wear my grey jeans and a black long sleeved sweater, and my converse. I go back to Leo's room and he's waiting outside for me in his wheelchair.

"I thought you were gonna walk with us, not roll." I joke with him, he laughs, I walk behind him and push his chair for him. We meet Nurse J and head to therapy.

"I'm gonna have to wait outside for you, make sure there isn't a repeat of last time." She says.

"That's okay, I'm staying." Leo says. She turns to him.

"No offence Leo, but I think I have a better chance of catching her if she makes a break for it." He laughs and comes back with some comment about being fast on his wheels.

"Can you guys stop talking about me like I'm not here." I snap. By then we're outside her office, I go in without saying anything else.

"Hi Alice, how are you feeling today?" She asks from her desk as I sit down.

"I'm okay."

"I hear you found your father, Dr. McAndrew." I nod. "That must be difficult. Anyway, I know you didn't react well last time so we're just gonna talk today, can you tell me what happened when you ran out on me?" I sit silent for a second.

"I saw someone," She nods. "Someone I didn't want to see." I take a deep breath and decide to tell her. "It was my mother, and- and at the time I didn't know why I was scared, but after talking to Dr- my dad, I found out she's Bipolar, and I think the reason I was scared was because she hurt me."

"She hurt you? What makes you think that?"

"Well, when I was in that hallway in my head, she looked angry at me, and it's like I was physically in pain as well. And not just like, when you're sad and your whole body feels it, like I could feel her nails," I stop.

"Go on, please."

"Digging into my arm, and my face hurt like she had hit me."

"Okay, well as soon as Nurse Jackson gets hold of her, I-"

"I don't her to get hold of her, I don't want to see her."

"You don't have to if you don't want to but it might help fix the broken pieces." It makes me think of that song by 5SOS, Broken Pieces. "Did your father tell you anything else?"

"He told me why he left when I was a baby. I guess I understood it."

We talk more about how I 'feel' about finding my dad and stuff, an hour goes by and she lets me go. When I open the door Leo is sat there listening to his iPod, he takes out his headphones when he sees me.

"Hey, sorry about before."

"It's okay, I get it."

"So you got my prison guard to leave then?" I begin to push him in his chair back to our rooms.

"Yeah, took a lot of persuading though."

"Ah the things you do for me." We laugh and I lean down to kiss him.

"Did it go okay in there?"

"Yeah, I told her her about my mom." We come to an abrupt stop because he put the brakes on.

"Your mom?" He grabs my hand and pulls me in front of him. "You didn't tell me anything about her?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I wasn't ready."

"And you are now?" I nod.

"In my first therapy session, she had me imagine this white hallway thing and this woman appeared behind me, I freaked and that's why I ran out and why I was so horrible to you, I talked to Dr. McAndrew about it and he said she was Bipolar, I think she's the reason why I did this to my body, I've figured out that she must have been hurting me. I think that's why I cut myself, because I thought I deserved it." I shed a tear. He takes my hand.

"You didn't. You definitely didn't." He stands up on his one leg and holds me.

* * *

We're sat on his bed, I'm front of him between his legs and his are around me, we're playing Temple Run on his iPod, he tilts me arms so I keep dying.

"You feeling better now?" I turn so I'm facing him cross legged.

"Yeah, because I'm with you." We kiss.

"Alice." I hear Dr. McAndrew, I pull away from Leo quickly. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah." I look at Leo and smile and walk back to my room with Dr. McAndrew. We sit on the edge of my bed.

"I want us to get to know each other, if that's what you want." I think for a second. Alice?"

"Yeah I want that, it's gonna be weird for me though." I really do want to get to know him but how could he get to know me if I don't know that much about myself.

"I understand that, well maybe we could go for lunch? I have a break."

"What now? Um yeah, can I just go and talk to Leo for a second?" He nods and I go back to Leo.

"Hey, you okay?" He says looking concerned.

"He wants to go for lunch."

"And you don't?"

"No I do but I just-"

"Do you want me to come?" I'm relieved. I nod and kiss him and we walk back to my room hand in hand. "Hey Doc, is it cool if I come with?" He didn't look like he wanted him to come but he agreed for me.

* * *

We sit down in a cute cafe. Dr. McAndrew orders a large pizza between us all.

"There isn't really much to tell you about myself because I don't know much, all I know is I like awesome music. And of course all the stuff you told me."

"Well, I guess I'll you about me, I'm 35, so I was 19 when you were born, I grew up here in LA. I always wanted to become a doctor but I didn't take it seriously until I left you and your mother. I studied at David Geffen School of Medicine, graduated when I was 22."

"That's cool, but like, tell me about you, like your favourite colour and food and stuff." He laughs at me.

"Okay, my favourite colour is green, my favourite food is Pizza obviously, I had a Jack Russell called Skip when I was a kid, anything else you wanna know?"

"What about your parents, my grandparents."

"Well you're grandfather, Nathaniel Mackenzie, he died a few years ago, he had a heart attack, your grandmother Hope, she's living in Florida with her new boyfriend Bryan," He rolls his eyes, "She's quite a woman, always wearing bright colours."

"Can I meet her?" He doesn't say anything. Leo breaks the silence.

"This pizza is awesome." I shoot him a look.

"If you don't want me to I get it."

"No it's not that, it's just," he sighs, "When I was 18 she didn't approve of me getting married so young, we didn't speak for years, so I never told her about you."

"Oh, I get it." We finish our pizza in awkward silence.


	8. Relapse

Back at the hospital, I sit alone in my room while Leo is at PT. I'm upset that Dr. McAndrew doesn't want his mom to know about me, but I understand because I wouldn't want my nut job mom to know if I had a secret kid. I notice Emma walk past my room, I run out to talk to her.

"Emma!" She sighs and turns around.

"What?" She folds her arms, with an almost disgusted look on her face.

"What have I done to piss you off so much?" I fold my arms, mocking her. She rolls her eyes and begins to walk away, I run and grab her arm and swing her around. "You can't ignore me forever."

"Fine, all any of us ever did while you were in that coma is look after you, and how do you thank us?" She begins walking towards me and I back away. "You bang some boy. Oh yeah, that's right, not just any boy, Leo, my ex boyfriend. I'm not this kind of person, but I'm done being a door mat, especially to sluts like you. Don't talk to me again." She turns and walks away. I'm left standing there crying.

I didn't sleep with him, I'm not a slut. I run to my room and straight to the bathroom. I lock the door behind me. I don't know what's coming over me, tears are streaming down my face, my heart is pounding, my skin feels too tight for my body. I pull up my sleeves and look down at my scars, I feel a sudden urge to make more. Without a second thought I punch the mirror in front of me, the glass shatters into the sink and on to the floor around my feet. My knuckles are bleeding. I pick up a pointy piece of reflective glass from the sink and hold it lightly on my wrist, half hoping I don't do it, half praying for the courage to press down. The door knocks, I jump and drop the glass.

"Alice? You okay? I heard something smashing." It's Nurse Jackson. I pick up another piece of glass and try my hardest to sound like I'm not a total mess.

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a sec."

"Unlock the door now." It obviously didn't work. I ignore her and press the glass down on my veins and drag it across in one sharp, swift motion, the pain is comforting. I do the same to the other wrist and drop the bloody glass. The blood spurts out of the deep cuts onto my hands. Nurse Jackson pounds on the door and shouts. I hear her calling for help. I see spots. I drop to the floor and slump against the wall. I try to stop the bleeding because I know if I don't I'll die. The door bursts open and Nurse Jackson and a bunch of Doctors run to me. I don't care if I die. I see Leo before everything goes black, he doesn't deserve this torture from me. I hope I die.

* * *

 _"I stand held back by men in white,_

 _I watch her as she gives up the fight,_

 _I clutch my chest and fall to the ground,_

 _I feel the guilt as she breaks down,_

 _I watch as she is carried away,_

 _I see the blood and glass in a messy array,_

 _This isn't about me, myself or I,_

 _This is about her, the girl who cried."_

Leo stands in front of me watching as I read the poem he wrote for me. He hadn't been allowed to see me for days, now he is here. I see the sorrow in his eyes.

"This isn't your fault you know. This is who I am." I say as he sits at the end of my bed, I'm not in my room I'm in a different ward. The Psych ward.

"I know it's not my fault, I'm just really sorry I tried to distract you from yourself, I tried to change you, I made it all about me, when I should have been looking after you."

"You didn't you really helped me, you made me comfortable, it just wasn't a permanent solution." There is an awkward silence which I quickly put a stop to. "So, I remember everything, well I think it's everything."

"Yeah?" He scoots closer. "Like what?"

"Um, well my mom, she was really cruel to me, and I have a brother, his name is Sam." Leo smiles. I can't help but smile too. "He's 7."

"That's cool, do you remember..." He doesn't want to say it.

"That day? Yeah, I remember being in school, I didn't have any friends, and people were mean, really mean. I went to school with bruises on my face and the other kids would call me names, and they'd hit me too. I went to an awful school, the teachers barely looked up from their desks, no one tried to help me." He takes my hand. "This one kid, Jack, he pushed me into the boys bathroom and cornered me. He said he saw what was on my arm, said he was glad I knew what I deserved. I talked back to him and grabbed my throat and pressed me against the wall, he pulled a knife out his pocket. I grabbed his hand and tried to push it away from me but he was so strong. He pushed up sleeve and cut across my scars, and then again, and again, and again. He let go of my throat and collapsed on the floor. He crouched down and put the knife in my school bag, he whispered to me, 'Do us all a favour and go end it, so none of us have to.' And he walked out. I waited a few minutes before running out of the bathroom, out of the school and got a bus to Monterey Bay. I climbed down the cliff a little, into a small cove. I rolled up sleeves and cut all over my arms, and then all over my legs." Leo has tears in his eyes, I'm way past that now. "I threw the knife into the sea and stood up. The thing is, I threw the knife away because I was done cutting myself, done hating myself. I changed my mind, I wasn't going to do it. I tried to climb back up to the top but I slipped."

"You didn't do it?"

"Nope, and I didn't do it this time either, I mean I wasn't trying to anyway."

"Well, I'm so happy you're okay now." He says taking my other hand. I pull away, scared about what I'm going to say.

"The thing is Leo, I'm not okay, not really, yeah I'm alive but my head isn't okay, I need therapy and time to heal and I think I need to do it alone."

"Yeah, yeah of course I'll give you all the space you need." My chest becomes tight.

"Leo," I see his smile leave his face.

"Oh, you're breaking up with me." He can barely look at me.

"I'm sorry." He doesn't say anything, he just walks away, I can see how hard he's trying not to cry.


	9. Friendship

I lie in bed for the most of the day. I don't think I'm depressed, I'm just a little lost right now. I have found my father, I have remembered my past. Along with the realisation that my mother doesn't care that I am missing. My little brother is all alone at home with her, I'd hate for her to turn on him like she did to me. She was never cruel to him, almost as if he was a blessing and I was a curse.

"We have the results back from your blood test." Nurse Jackson comes into my room. "Unfortunately you're going to need surgery on your kidney." I sigh.

"Okay, when?"

"They don't want to do it until you're mentally stable." She sits on the end of my bed.

"I'm doing okay, really, I wasn't trying to kill myself, and I told you I didn't try to kill myself before. I got lost, in my head." I look down at my bandaged arms. "I'm not going to be like this any more."

"I know, I know you're a lot better, and I believe you. But the board don't. They want you to wait a week. I'm sorry honey. On the bright side, you're allowed to go back up to your old room." I don't answer, I don't know if i want to go back up there, Leo's there. I still really like him. And I know I broke up with him, but that was because I don't know how I'm supposed to get better if I'm doing it for someone else instead of myself. "Come on, we'll go up now." She stands up but I don't move. I'm scared. "It'll be okay, you're strong, I know you are." I look at her, her eyes are so trusting. I get out of my bed and walk with her. We go up into the elevator. The doors open and Dr. McAndrew is there.

"Alice!" He hugs me. "I'm sorry, they wouldn't let me see you."

"It's okay, I'm fine. I just lost my way." He lets me go. I see Emma standing near my room, she looks sad. I walk over to her.

"It's not your fault. It's no one's." I take the high road.

"I'm sorry, I'm just bitter because I still kind of liked Leo when you woke up. I'm over him now I swear."

"It doesn't matter, I broke up with him. I can't recover for someone else. It has to be for me." She nods. "Thank you for caring though." I reach my hand out and she shakes it. She walks off back to her room. I see Leo, standing outside his room, staring at me. I just walk into my room and climb into bed. Kara walks in.

"So I've decided I was kinda rude to you, I'm- I'm sorry." She sits on the couch by the window.

"Um okay, I guess I'm kinda grateful for you, you're the reason Leo and I went to that concert."

"You're welcome, you broke up right?" She strolls around.

"How did you-?" I sit up in my bed.

"Nothing goes on in this hospital without me knowing, I know about daddy McAndrew. Plot twist of the century. You gonna go live with him when you get out because your momma's a psycho?"

"You could be a little more sensitive. I don't know I haven't really thought about where I'm gonna go when I'm out. I got time though, I'm having surgery on my Kidney next week, I had internal bleeding when I fell."

"Gonna get that red band a new friend." I look down and realise I'm still wearing the red band Leo gave me. I walk out on Kara and go straight to Leo's room. He's sitting on his bed with one headphone in.

"Hey." He takes it out. "I just wanted to give this back to you." I take off my band and walk over to him with it.

"Keep it, that band represents more than just me and you. It's all of us." I slip it back on my wrist.

"I broke up with you because I can't recover with you, I don't want to hurt you. That's not it though. I can't get better for someone else." I sit next to him.

"I get it, I do. I'm just hurt, I wish you'd figured that out before I-"

"Before you what?" He stands up and stares out the window. I meet him there.

"Before I fell in love with you." My stomach knots up. I take his hand.

"I love you too." I start crying. He turns to my, taking both my hands.

"So why can't we be together, I can give you time and space, I'll wait for you." His eyes well up too.

"You know I can't, I'm sorry Leo." I let go of his hands and walk out into the hall. I don't make it to my room. I slip down to the floor in a puddle of tears. My heart hurts. I'm looking at the ground and I see two feet in front of me. I look up and Jordi is standing there. He reaches his hand out and helps me up. He doesn't say anything he just walks with me back to my room, we sit down on my bed. He gets me a glass of water.

"Thank you." I take a sip. "I'm guessing Leo told you."

"Yeah. You don't have to talk about it. I'm here for you." I hug him. He doesn't pull away completely, he just looks at me, my lips. He leans in and kisses me. I get up and back away immediately, I wipe my lips.

"You're a liar. You don't care about me and Leo, you just want me." I yell at him. Leo rushes in. "GET OUT." I scream at Jordi. He stands to walk out but Leo pushes him back. "Leo, don't."

"You think now that she doesn't want me, she automatically wants you? You're sick."

"Leo, calm down it was a mistake I-" Leo punches him right in the face.

"LEO!" I'm too scared to move. Nurse Jackson runs in and helps Jordi.

"Leo, go back to your room." He just looks at me. "Now, Leo." He backs out and walks away. Nurse J leads Jordi over to my bed again. "Wait here I'll clean you up." She goes back to the nurses station.

"I'm sorry Alice, I can't help how I feel about you." He holds his hand over his bloody nose.

"You're gonna have to." I storm out and make my way up to the roof.

I don't feel how I felt before, when I did those horrible things to myself. I just feel sad, and angry. I think about what Kara said. Where am I gonna go? I also think about Leo. He did that out of love for me. I feel so lost looking out over LA. Dash comes up to join me.

"You got my man Leo all screwed up." He leans against the railing.

"It's not about him, not for me. I just wanna be okay."

"You can be, you don't have to let him go, not forever."

"He hit Jordi, I don't want to be with someone who can hurt someone like that. That's what my mother did, to me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that. But Leo's not like that, he really loves you." I start crying again. "Hey, it's okay." He puts his arm around me.

"Is it? Everything's a mess, I liked it better when I couldn't remember anything." I clutch on to him.

"We all got crap to deal with, you can get better and still have friends you know?" I nod. "Come on let's go to dinner." We go down to the cafeteria and he gets me a bowl of pasta. We talk, I manage to stop crying. He tells me jokes to cheer me up, does dumb impressions of dumb celebrities. I do feel better. All the shit that's happened makes the Leo situation seem so pathetic. Kara and Emma join us after a while. We all sit and talk, I like hearing other people talk about their lives because it seems I only ever talk about myself.


	10. Sammy

After dinner we all go back to our rooms, but I only get as far as the door. The side of my stomach and my back start hurting like crazy. I bend over in pain. I throw up all over the floor and Nurse Jackson comes running to me.

"What's happening?" I cry out. I remember something, I don't know why I didn't remember it before but I only have one kidney. I gave my other one to my little brother when he was a kid because both of his failed. Surely the doctors and nurses would know this, why would they keep it from me? She rushes me to me over bed. Beads of sweat start rolling down my face. I get another sharp shooting pain and clutch my side in agony.

"Kenji, get Dr. McAndrew now." She shouts and she pushes my call button. "Stay calm baby, this is just your body telling you to take it easy." She's trying to reassure me, but I can hear the panic in her voice. She listens to my heart beat. Brittany and bunch of other nurses come running in, Dr. McAndrew and Kenji follow shortly after.

"Her heart beat is abnormal." She says.

"Take her blood." Dr. McAndrew tells Brittany. "Alice, I'm going to have to take you to the operating theatre now."

"What? Ah- right now? I thought I had to wait a week?" Nurse Brittany pushes a needle into my vein.

"I know honey, but your situation seems to be a lot worse than we anticipated." My dad strokes my head. More nurses and doctors come in with a guerney.

"Why didn't you tell me about my other kidney, I can't breath." Every starts to get blurry and my body grows weak. I flop back on my bed. They lift me up off of it on to the guerney. I start coughing like crazy, I look at the hand I used to cover my mouth. It's coated in blood. "I'm bleeding." The wheel me out of the door and I see Leo trying to run to me, his leg slows him down. He comes right to my side and takes my clean hand. "I'm scared." I cry, looking up at him, his eyes are glassy with tears.

"It's okay, you're gonna be fine, you'll be okay."

"Leo, you have to stay here." One of the nurses holds him away from me as I'm pushed down the hall. I grip hands with him but they slide away from each other.

"Leo." I try to shout to him but I'm to weak. Everything starts to get darker and darker. I don't manage to stay awake for very long and I find myself in the white hallway again, in my hospital gown. "Charlie?" I look around but I can't see him.

"Hey." I jump and turn around. He's sat cross-legged on the floor reading a comic book, in his red pyjamas. "Wanna play scrabble?" He gestures to his side and a stack of board games appear. I sit opposite him.

"I don't know what to do." I bury my face in my hands.

"About Leo? I don't see the problem, you love him, he loves you. Can't you just be together? You can recover and have a boyfriend at the same time." How is this little 12 year old boy so wise?

"Really? I just feel like if I'm always thinking about him then how can I focus on myself?"

"You don't have to be thinking about yourself, did you do that when you were together?" I shake my head. "Then go for it."

"What about what he did to Jordi? I'm not sure I want to be with someone capable of that."

"Of what? Love?" I just stare at him. He's got all the answers and he's in a god damn coma.

"Come on, let's play." He sets up the game of scrabble. "You first." He lays down 4 tiles. It says 'love'. "Really?" I laugh at him. I look at my letters, all I'm able to spell is 'boy', oh the irony.

"Really?" He mocks me.

"Shut up, go again." He lays down 2 tiles, spelling 'yes', my turn again. I write 'stop'.

"Oh I haven't even started yet." We keep playing for hours on end. Charlie wins over and over again.. Of course. I notice a light shining on Charlie's skin. I turn around and stand up.

"Does that mean what I think it does?" I take a step towards it, Charlie grabs my wrist.

"Don't do it, hold on." I tug my arm away.

"Why? I've got nothing to lose." I take another step and he runs round in front of me.

"It's not about what you've got to lose, it's the people who love you."

"You're obsessed with love."

"Your dad, your brother, your friends."

"Leo."

"Exactly, go that way." He points down the hallway, it's dark down there. I look at him and follow his instructions. I'm about to step into the shadow. I turn back to him.

"Thank you." I take one step with my eyes closed and I open them in the ICU.

My dad is standing there. He strokes my hair.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My voice is crackly because of all the coughing.

"Shh, don't try to talk sweetheart."

"Answer the question."

"We all agreed it was best not to tell you because we knew you'd think you were dying, and we didn't want to give you a reason not to get better. We need to talk. You're not dying Alice." A tear runs down my cheek. I see Leo in the window.

"Leave me." I say to Dr. McAndrew and he gives a melancholy nod and walks out of the room. Leo stays stood there. I'm sorry, I think. It's like he's reading my mind because his mouth forms the words 'It's all okay'. He comes through the door and to my side.

"How are you doing?" He looks down at his hands. I put mine on his.

"I'm alright, he wants to talk to me. Probably just wants to apologize for all the crap. I'm so sorry, I sort of had this dream and I've realised my mistakes... with you." He looks up at me with his big brown eyes. "I want to be with you, if you'll have me."

"Of course I'll have you, I love you."

"I love you too." I pull him down to me and I kiss him. I pull up my sheets and he climbs in next to me, he rests his little bald head on my chest. I kiss it. "I guess I was just scared that you'd become my only reason to be happy, and if something did happen between us, I would spiral down and get bad again."

"That's not going to happen, you'll be happy because you want to be."

"You're right." My dad comes back in and Leo sits up quickly.

"Alice, I need to talk to you."

"I'll see you later." He stands up, kisses my cheek and leaves the room. Dad comes and sits on the chair next to my bed.

"There's something you need to know, I didn't end up doing the surgery I wanted to. I fixed up a little whole you had in your kidney but there was something strange in there. I'm so sorry Alice, your kidney is failing."

"So, if I don't get a new one I'll die?" He nods. "Can't you give me one?"

"We're not the same blood type, the only person able to donate to you is your mother, we've been trying to get hold of her since we found out who you are, she's never been good at returning calls."

"I don't want her kidney, I don't want to see her."

"If you want to live, which I know you do, you'll take her kidney. You don't have to talk to her."

"What makes you so sure she'll give it to me? She hates me, otherwise she'd be here." He doesn't say anything, because he knows I'm right, but he looks so sad. "I'll call Sam, his dad gave him a phone for his birthday. I know his number by heart, I've been desperate to speak to him since I remembered. Maybe he can get her to call you back."

"Thank you, here." He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and hands it to me. I take it and just stare at it. "Oh, sorry, I'll leave you." He goes and waits outside the door. I dial the numbers that are so familiar to my fingers and click ring. It rings 3 times before I hear his sweet little voice.

"Hello?"

"Sammy?"

"Alice?" He starts to whisper. "Where did you go? I thought you left me." I start crying tears of joy.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to, I got hurt and I was in a coma for 6 weeks, I had memory loss so that's why I didn't call sooner, I'm so sorry Sam."

"It's okay, I'm glad you're okay, when can you come home?"

"That's the thing Sammy, you know how I gave you one of my kidneys when you were little?"

"Yeah?"

"My other one isn't doing so great, I won't be able to see you until I can get a new one, do you think you could get mom for me?"

"Oh, right. Sure, wait there." I hear his muffled voice. "Mom, Alice is on the phone." I can hear her voice in the background. "If she wants to come back she can't, I've given her chance after chance." I look over to my dad who is watching. He can see that I'm scared because he comes in.

"Tell Sam that I want to speak to her." He folds his arms.

"Sam, tell mom Adam wants to talk to her."

"Who's that?" He asks.

"Just do it Sam."

"There's a guy called Adam who wants to talk to you." I hear him pass the phone over, I pass it to dad who puts the phone on speaker.

"Adam?" He hesitates, looking at me over his glasses.

"Jane, Alice is in trouble."

"What are you doing with her? You left her. Remember that?"

"She needs you, she needs your kidney."

"Put her on." He takes the phone off speaker and hands it to me. "Alice, why are you with him?" I don't say anything, I'm too scared. "He's only going to hurt you." She makes me so mad that I forget my stupid fears and I fight back.

"Hurt me? What like you did?" It's her turn to ignore me. "Don't go thinking I need you, I was always going to be better off without you."

"What happened?"

"So now you care? I fell off a cliff, trying to kill myself after I got attacked at school. I told you over and over how much I hated it there and you didn't try to help me. I have kidney failure, I need a new one or I'll die." She doesn't answer me. "I'm at Ocean Park Hospital, if you want me to give one thought of giving you a second chance you'll come down here with Sammy as soon as you can." I hang up the phone and burst into tears. Dad hugs me.

"It's okay, we'll get you better and we'll get your brother and we'll go." I pull away and look up at him.

"You would do that? You'd save Sammy?"

"I'm not letting you go back to that house, and I'm not splitting you up from your brother again. I'll do whatever I can to keep you and your brother save. I pull him back into him and cry.

"Thank you."


	11. Safe

I wake up in my room on my ward, out of ICU. I might get to see Sammy today. Leo comes into my room.

"Hey, how do you feel today?" He climbs in my bed beside me. I told him all about the phone call with my mom and my brother last night.

"Kinda crappy, I just really hope I get through this so I can be normal."

"Once you're in Ocean Park, you're never normal, but we can be so much more. We're gonna get out of here and be together." I kiss him.

"All I can do now is wait to see if mom shows up." We spend the morning in eachothers arms, listening to our favourite songs. There's even more songs I remember now which is awesome. I'm on bed rest and I'm not allowed to leave my room. I feel alright, just a little scared of dying. After Nurse Jackson brings us lunch I hear running out in the hall. Sam runs into my room.

"Sammy!" I sit forward, letting go of Leo. He runs up and wraps his little arms around my neck. He has the biggest smile on his rosey face. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too!" He lets go and sits on the end of my bed. He goes shy when he notices Leo.

"Sam, this is Leo."

"Hey little man, you got an awesome big sister!" He extends his hand and Sam shakes it.

"I know." I laugh.

"Is mom with you?"

"Yeah she is." My mom is standing in the door way. "How's your kidney?"

"Dying." I say, giving her evil eyes. She comes closer. "Maybe you should talk to dad first." She stops.

"Alice, I'm sorry for how I treated you, I was an awful mother."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, dad's out there." I point to the nurses station. She turns around and walks over to him, I notice how awkward they look with each other as they walk off down the hall.

"You have a daddy?" Sam asks me.

"Yeah, I didn't know about him until recently. He's a good guy. Even though we have different daddy's, you're still my little brother okay?"

"Okay." He smiles at me.

"Why don't we go play some video games?" Leo suggests and Sam gets over excited.

"I can't leave my bed."

"I can get you a wheelchair, wait here you can borrow mine." He limps out to get his chair.

"He walks funny." I laugh at my naive brother. Leo comes back in with the chair and helps me into it. When we get into the hall Nurse J is there.

"You know you're supposed to stay in bed." She's got her usual 'my hospital, my rules' look on her face. She notices Sam.

"This is Sam, my brother, we're just gonna go play some video games in Leo's room, I'll go on his bed."

"I'll let you off just this once because you are so cute." She pinches Sam's cheeks and walks away.

Leo helps me up on to his bed and he sets up his Xbox. It's so cute watching Sammy trying to master all of his games. I notice something on the back of his neck.

"Sam, come here." He hands the controller to Leo and comes over to me. "Turn around." There's a big purple bruise on his neck, it goes down his back further. I touch it and he flinches, turning around again. "What happened?" He doesn't say anything. He fiddles with the sleeves on his sweater, just like I do. "Was it mom?" He nods. "What did she do?"

"She got mad because I didn't eat all my dinner. She pushed me down and kicked me."

"Oh Sam." I hug him, trying not to hurt him more.

"It's okay, it was my fault."

"No Sam, it wasn't, there's never an excuse to hurt someone like that. I know I always said it was my fault when mom hurt me, but I was wrong." He nods again. "Get back to your game." Leo looks at me, he comes over. "Can you take me to Nurse Jackson?" He helps me back into the chair. "We'll be right back Sammy, keep playing. You're getting good."

"Yeah yeah." He's too focused to even notice us leave.

We go down the hall looking for her. She's with Charlie.

"Nurse Jackson, I need to talk to you." She leaves Charlie and comes over to Leo and I. "Sammy isn't safe with her, he has horrible bruises all down his back. I'm not saying call the police or anything because as long as he's with me his safe, I want my mom locked up of course and as selfish as this sounds, I don't want to die."

"Okay don't panic honey, hopefully your mom will give you her kidney and then we can straighten this whole thing out. Where's Sam? I'd better take a look at those bruises."

"He's in my room." We all walk back to Leo's room.

"Sam, Nurse J wants to take a look at your back, is that okay?" He looks at her, I can see he's a little scared, but he nods. "Come sit up here." I push myself over to Leo's bed and he sits up there. Leo stands behind me and Nurse J goes around the back of the bed.

"Do you think you could take your sweater and shirt off Sam?" He complies. She looks at the bruises on his back. I see bruises on his lower chest too.

"Nurse J, there's more on the front." She comes and looks.

"Do they hurt a lot?" He nods.

"Okay, I'm going to take you for an X-Ray just to check that nothing is broken." He puts his clothes back on and she takes his hand. He hops off the bed. They head to the door but my mom and dad are standing there.

"Where are you taking my son?" Nurse J looks at me. She knows it's a bad idea to tell her.

"He wants to take a look around the hospital." She says.

"Okay, don't misbehave Sam, do what Nurse J tells you. Alice we need to talk." She and dad come and sit on Leo's sofa.

"I'll go with Sam." Leo limps off with the other two. I stare at my mother, I try to make her feel guilty because she deserves it.

"Alice, we're going to have to find you a kidney somewhere else." Dad says.

"I knew it, I knew she wouldn't give it to me."

"I do want to, I can't." She starts crying.

"You're not allowed to be sad, I'm the one who's dying." She straightens up, trying to hold herself together.

"Your mom has a different blood type. You're on a waitlist for a kidney, but it's a big list."

"So you're basically telling me to prepare to die?" They both look sad. "Oh give it a rest mom, you don't care. I could have been dead this whole time and you wouldn't have noticed, you didn't even look for me. I was just your punch bag, and now you've moved on to Sammy." She starts crying again and storms out of the room.

"Alice, we're gonna find you a kidney."

"I have hope that you will, but I'm not gonna kid myself. Nurse Jackson took Sam to get an X-Ray, will you take me there?"

Dad pushes me down the hall, I see Leo and Sam. I ask him to take me to where we can see the X-Ray. Nurse Jackson is standing in a room looking at the X-Ray on a computer screen, I can't see it clearly.

"Alice, who's Sam's father?"

"His name's Gary White, why?"

"Dr. McAndrew, see if you can get hold of him." He heads out of the room leaving me with Nurse Jackson, she sits down, turning the screen to face me. It's his ribs, they don't look right. "He has 2 broken ribs." My heart breaks. "I've called the police, they're on their way now to get her. I'd like to keep Sam in over night, incase there's any internal bleeding or risk of an infection or something, do you want to tell him?" I nod, trying to stay strong. I wheel myself into the hall to talk to him.

"Sammy, you broke your ribs." He touches his ribs. "Well, she broke them. We won't have to worry about her anymore, we're going to be okay without her." He starts to cry a little and I wipe away his tears. I lift his tiny body on to my lap. It strains on my stomach but I don't care.

"What's gonna happen?" He asks.

"Well... I think my daddy is going to call your daddy and he'll come and see you, the nurse wants you to stay in the hospital overnight just to make sure you're alright." He nods, he's so scared. My dad comes down the hall and takes a seat next to Leo.

"I made a few calls, unfortunatley Sam, your dad is in Austrailia right now. He won't be able to get here for a few days, he's going to call you later to check you're alright." Sammy wraps his arms around me and buries his face in the crook of my neck. I squeeze him, he doesn't deserve any of this. We go back up to Leo's room and they play their video games. My mom is arguing with my dad out in the hall. Nurse Jackson is with me.

"Do you think we'll have to go to court?" I ask her.

"I don't know, but if you do, it won't be until you're better." I nod. The arguing out in the hall turns into shouting. I look out into the hall and I see the police walk up to my mom. She fights back as they try to take her a way. Sam watches, with tears in his eyes. She starts crying and looks at me, she's furious.

"This is your fault!" She shouts at me. "If you had just kept your mouth shut!" They take her off down the hall. I don't shed a tear for her. Sam comes over and hugs me again, he doesn't want to watch. My dad comes into the room. He hugs me too. Nurse Jackson leaves, telling us she's going to get Sam's room ready.

"Can't I stay up here with you?" He asks, we shared our room at home. Our house was so small.

"No Sam, you're going to be upstairs, on the kids ward. But you can come down here as soon as you're awake." Nurse Jackson comes back to take him to bed. "Goodnight Sammy." I kiss his cheek and he kisses mine. He takes Nurse J's hand and they go upstairs.

"I have some rounds to do, I'll see you tomorrow?" My dad says. I nod. He gives me another hug and heads off.

"Long day." I say to Leo. He comes and sits next to me on his bed.

"You wanna go to bed too?" I nod and helps me back into the chair and we go to my room, he helps me into bed. "I'll stay until you're asleep." It doesn't take long before I doze off to sleep.


	12. The Fight

**Sorry this has taken so long to get up, I've had really bad writers block. I'm still not 100% sure where I want this story to go, anyway enjoy!**

I wake up at like 6 am because I went to bed so early. Leo has fallen asleep on the sofa in my room. I feel really weak today. Leo's iPod is next to my bed, I pick it up and start listening to the playlist he made for us. There's a song called Broken Home by 5 Seconds of Summer, it's got a bit of a different story to mine, but it really hits me hard.

Sam comes into my room wearing a pair of plaid pyjamas, they must have been in the lost and found. He rubs his eyes and yawns as he climbs up on to my bed. I pull out my headphones. "Did you sleep okay kiddo?" I ask.

"Not really, there was a baby in the bed next to me and it wouldn't stop crying all night. And I had a bad dream." He curls up next to me. "It was about mommy, she wouldn't stop hitting you." He starts to cry a little. I hate this, she screwed me up and now she's screwed Sammy up too. I hope she rots in a prison cell. I don't even feel bad for thinking this, I know she has a mental illness, but she made the desicion to go off her meds when she was in the right mindset. It's all her own fault.

I hear Leo yawning, I look over to him awkwardly sprawled out on the sofa. "Why did you sleep there?" I ask him.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." He comes over and kisses me. Sammy gags mockingly, we laugh. It kind of hurts to laugh and Leo can see that so he offers to get me some painkillers.

"Do you love Leo?" Sam asks.

"Not that it's any of your buiness, but yeah, I do." I smile as he walks over to Kenji.

They come into my room, Kenji has a little cup and a glass of water.

"How are you feeling today?" He asks as I take the pills.

"Pretty weak actually." I say honestly.

"I would say I'll get you something to eat, but with your kidney you're going to have to be fed through a tube. We don't want to risk you vomiting again and getting even sicker. We'll be putting in what we call a PEG which stands for percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy. It'll go into the top of your stomach."

"Oh, okay. When is it being put in?"

"Later today. You'll be taken under anesthetic. It should only take about a half hour, maybe an hour tops. It's nothing to be nervous about. I'll come and get you later."

I was hoping to go downstairs for breakfast with everyone. Well, apart from Jordi. Speak of the Devil. He walks in just as Kenji leaves.

"Not now Jordi." Leo says and he tries to usher him out of the room.

"Just let me apologize." He pushes past Leo and comes over to me.

"Leo, can you take Sammy to your room?" I lift Sam up and put him on the floor. Leo takes his hand.

"You sure?" Leo says. I nod, staring Jordi out.

Leo takes Sammy away and I sit up straight, facing Jordi with my arms crossed.

"So that's your little brother? He's cute."

"Get to the point Jordi."

He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry for what I did, I never meant to come between you two. And I definitley didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just really like you and I couldn't help it. It won't happen again, I swear. Please forgive me." He looks genuinley sorry. It might be slightly less awkward for Leo if I do forgive him. They're the ones that have to share a room. Maybe that's why Leo slept in here.

"Fine, but you have to make up with Leo too." I say.

"I'll do what I can, I mean he's pretty angry with me. He did break my nose."

"It's broken? Oh Jordi I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault at all, it was all me." He gives me a weird sad looking smile and heads out of the room. I lie back on my bed. Emma comes into my room, she completley blanks him. I guess everyone's pretty pissed with Jordi too.

"Hey Alice." She comes and sits on the sofa. "How you doin' today?"

"Pretty awful actually, I don't know if you heard but if I don't get a new kidney I'll die."

"Yeah I heard, you'll get one though. Don't worry. I brought you this." She hands me a tupperware box. It's full of cookies, they look incredible. "I made them myself."

"Oh my God, Emma, they look so good but I can't eat them, I have to be fed through a tube. It's being put in later." My mouth is practically watering over the sight of them. I put the lid on the box and hand them back to her.

"Damn, that sucks Alice. I've been fed through a tube before, but I guess this is sort of okay because you're not being forced into it." She laughs awkwardly. "I guess I could give the cookies to some of the older patients a few floors down?" I nod and smile. She gets up to take them to the senior floor.

"Emma?" She turns around. "I'm glad we're friends, it's nice to know that there's someone in here who's got your back."

"We've all got your back, that's what these are for." She holds up her wrist to show her red band. She gives me her biggest smile and leaves.

I look down at my red band. Usually when I look at it I just see the scars underneath it, now I see my battle wounds. I've been in a war, against myself, against my mother and all of those bullies that I've put up with. I want to win this, I'm not letting this... this thing get to me. I'm stronger than that.

Nurse Jackson walks in to check my vitals. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Well I woke up like 10 minutes ago and I've been asked that question a million times, so I'm feelin pretty bored." She laughs. "Um, yeah I feel kind of weak, but I don't feel sick any more. Kenji said they're going to put a peg in me later."

"You nervous?" She asks as she checks my blood pressure.

"Yeah a little, but it's nothing compared to my surgery I guess. Nurse J, even though I can't eat, am I still allowed to go down for breakfast with the others? I'll stay in my chair I promise."

"I don't see the harm in that, but no longer than an hour okay?" I beam from ear to ear.

"Thank you!" I hug her as tightly as I can without straining myself. "Can you help me into my chair?"

I meet Leo out in the hall. "Sammy's gone back up to his floor, his nurses want to keep an eye him."

"Oh okay, he'll be okay up there. Nurse J says I can come to breakfast!" He leans down and kisses me.

"Awesome!" Kara's sarcastic voice appears behind us. She's with Emma. "Come on I'm starving." She struts past and leads the way to the service elevator. When we get downstairs Dash is already there flirting with some soccer mom. We sit at our usual table.

"I would totally give you my kidney, but I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to lose anymore organs." Kara says.

"You need a kidney? That sucks man." Dash says. Jordi walks by the table. Everyone gives him evils.

"You guys don't have to mad too, it was us he hurt." I say.

"I don't care, what he did was awful." Emma says.

"Yeah but he's screwed up too, he couldn't help his feelings."

"Why are you defending him?" Leo says.

"I'm not, I'm just saying, it sucks being in this place in the first place, it sucks even more when you've got no friends."

"You are defending him, is your amnesia coming back? He moved in on you, my girl!"

"I'm not an object Leo. Don't talk to me like that."

"Don't talk about him like that." He's raising his voice. The other three just stare at us.

"He apologized to me okay, he wants to make things right. Too bad you're already screwing everything else." I pull away from the table in my wheelchair and head straight to the main elevator. He doesn't even try to follow me.

Why is he being such a tool? Yeah Jordi did a messed up thing, but Leo punched him, he got what he deserved, why can't we just leave it there? I can't stop myself from crying. Today I have to have a fricking tube put into my stomach, and Leo's supposed to be the one calming my nerves, yet he's stressing me out more than ever. When I get out of the elevator on my floor I notice Dr. McAndrew talking to some Nurses, I try to sneak past so he doesn't see me crying, but sneaking is pretty difficult when you're in a wheel chair.

"Alice?" He heads over to me, holding my chair, he crouches in front of me. "What happened?"

"I hate boys." I breakdown, burying my face in his shoulder, wrapping my arms around him.

"Okay come on, lets get you back to bed." Instead of wheeling me in my chair, he scoops me up in his arms and lets me cry into him. He takes me to my bed and sits me down on the edge. "Tell me what Jordi did this time."

"It wasn't Jordi, it was Leo, he got mad at me because I defended Jordi, I wasn't even defending him I was just saying he doesn't deserve to be hated." He just smiles at me. "What?"

"You have such a good heart, it's not fair that you have to go through all of this crap. You and Leo will be okay, he just loves you, he wants to protect you. You need to tell him how it makes you feel when he's over protective, tell him you understand what he's feeling but make him understand that you can have your own opinions." I smile at him. "What?"

"I know where I get my good heart from." He laughs and we hug.

"Now, you want me to go get Sammy?" I nod and he kisses me on the head and goes to find Sammy. I end up drifting off to sleep.


	13. Forgiving

I dream about getting a new kidney, and I'm healthy again. Dad takes me and Sam home to live with him, I get to go to a school where everyone is kind. Sammy's ribs heal completely, we're happy, just the three of us. I get to visit Leo everyday, his hair grows back, he can walk in his prosthetic leg all the time. He comes to my school, he plays soccer again. We're prom king and prom queen. Everything seems so perfect in my dream land.

When I wake up I hear Sammy laughing down the hall, I've only been asleep for a few minutes, but the dream made it feel like a lifetime, waking up to this reality is hard, but I have to have hope, for my dad, for Sam, and for Leo, and of course the Red Band Society. Sam walks in with Dr. McAndrew and another man, he's holding Sam's hand.

"Alice, this is Gary, Sammy's dad." They walk over to my bedside.

"Hi Alice, I haven't seen you since you were little." I don't recognise him at all, I must have been really young. "I'm so sorry all this happened to you. I wish I could have been there, for both of you."

"Well why weren't you?" I feel angry. I feel like he's acting like my mother, suddenly pretending to care.

"Alice-" Dad tries to stop me.

"No, I wanna hear what you have to say for yourself Gary, why suddenly show up? You knew our mom was dangerous, why didn't you help us? Or at least your own son?"

"Alice, now's not the time for this." Dad says.

"No, she's right, I've been an awful father. I should have been there, I made a few mistakes, a lot went down when you two were little." He sits down, burying his face in his hands.

"Well tell us the truth!" I raise my voice, and Leo comes in and to my side.

"What's going on?"

"Stay out of it Leo."

"I will tell you the truth, I just," He walks over to me and whispers, "I don't think Sam should hear this.

"I'll take him." Leo pulls Sammy away, telling him about some dumb new game he got.

"When I was with your mom, I was sort of with someone else too. I thought... I thought she was older, she told me she was older."

"What?"

"Let me explain, I had gotten your mom pregnant with Leo, I got scared, I was young, she was off her meds again, she hit me too, she even stabbed me in my leg. I left her and starting dating a woman I had, you know, slept with. Her name was Jessica, and she told me she was old enough but she was 17. She eventually told me her real age, I couldn't bare the guilt so I told the cops and I was put on the sex offenders list, I wasn't allowed near minors. But luckily, after a lot of fighting, the judge overturned it a few months ago. I wanted to come and see you and your brother but I was scared of what your mother might do."

"But not scared of what she might do to us?"

"Of course I was, I'm a coward I know. All I can do now is apologise to you and Sam." He looks so torn up. I look at my dad. He gives me a 'do the right thing' look. I stand up, and hobble over to the couch where Gary is sat. I put my hand on his shoulder, he looks up at me.

"I'm sorry, it's okay, I shouldn't be so hard on you." He stands up. I hug him. I sort of recognise his hugs, if that's even possible.

I think about Leo, if forgiving Gary is this easy, surely I can forgive him too.

"There's something I have to do." I begin to walk out of the room.

"You should be using your chair Alice." Dad says in a stern voice. I ignore him and continue to Leo's room. I stand in the door way watching him and Sam. He's so good with him, he knows exactly what to say to him. I think to myself, I picked a good guy.

"Hey Sam, your dad's waiting for you." Leo looks up at me as Sam runs passes me.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I was being such a douche, I never get possessive. It's just, I would do anything to protect you and I got so carried away. After you left I talked to Jordi, we're cool now." I walk over to my beautiful bald boyfriend. "I love you so much Alice McKenzie."

"And I love you Leo Roth." I kiss him. Like, really kiss him. I'm sat on his lap, on the edge of his bed. I pull away for a second. "I don't think I'll find a kidney, but even if I do, I won't regret this."

"I'll make sure you wont." He lies me back on his bed and begins to untie my very unsexy gown. I unbutton his shirt. I run my hands over his body, he's pretty built. Once I'm only in my underwear and I've got his shirt off. I pull him down to kiss me and he takes his pants off. He pulls the covers over us. Our bodies become one and I feel pure happiness, even though my days could come to an end too soon.


	14. Falling Asleep

**So this chapter is quite a lot shorter just because I'm going to split this into 2 stories, the first chapter will be up very soon!**

* * *

Leo and I had fallen asleep together, if there's one thing that binds hospital kids together (apart from red bands and being hella sick) it's that we all sleep all the time. When I wake up I see Kara standing in the doorway, I practically jump out of my skin, which wakes Leo up. Kara has a disgusted look on her face.

"Subtle, yeah it's always a good idea to have sex in a hospital room with the door open while you're dad is literally walking down the hall as we speak." She struts away, leaving me and Leo rushing to get our clothes on. I can't even find my gown or my underwear before my dad walks in. I use Leo's shirt to cover up. He stands there looking kind of awkward for a second before he speaks.

"Um, you have to go to get your PEG in soon, uh, so, yeah." He leaves the the room all flustered.

"Oh my god." I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, Leo just bursts out laughing. "It's not funny Leo, that is literally the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me." I start hitting him while he laughs but he just takes me by the cheeks and kisses me, then we both start laughing together, and I fall asleep again.

Kara's POV

Now that Charlie's gone home, Nurse Jackson moved Alice into my room, she's been out cold for like 2 weeks now. Not only that but I've had Leo in here for hours everyday trying to wake her up, he's been crying and stuff. Like yeah it's kinda sad that he swiped her v-card and then she almost died, but cry somewhere else. He got so choked up one time that I actually have to comfort him.

Dash's POV

Leo hasn't spoken to any of us since what happened with Alice, it totally sucks balls. I feel so bad for him, and Alice. I actually kind of feel for Jordi too, it's pretty obvious to me that he still has the hots for her but he doesn't want any of us to know.

Emma's POV

Alice passed out a few weeks ago Dr. McAndrew had to put her in a medically induced coma, she was on life support for 2 days. She had a seizure in Leo's arms, and he's so broken. He won't speak to anyone except for Alice. I've gone to chat to her too, if it really is true that you can hear everything when you're in a coma then we should be getting through to her by now.

Jordi's POV

I've tried to be there for Leo as much as I can but it's not that easy when he won't talk about this to anyone at all. I sat with him and Alice a few times but I don't think he really wanted me there, he hates being pitied.

Leo's POV

I can't help but feel like this happened because of me, when something starts to get good for Alice and I, something really bad happens. When I hold her hand now, I can feel all of the things I felt when she was having a fit in my bed. I was terrified, I can't imagine how scared she must be right now.

There was this one time when I was at her bedside and I just broke down, Kara was there and she came and sat next to me and helped me calm down and then she helped me get back to my room. She may act like a tough bitch but she's got a heart in there, even if it is Hunters.


	15. AN

**the next story is up! it's called who will i be :)**


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